She is REAL and she is EXHAUSTED

Creeper Nick

This is a super busy week for me so OF COURSE there are two episodes to catch up on! Let's speed through the highlights shall we?

Nick. I gotta say, I don't get the attraction. He always has an expression like he is looking at fetish porn. In his defense, the other guys are on him about him not being balls to the wall into this whole process and I think that's the best thing about him. He should be skeptical and cautious! He is gang-dating the same girl at 15 other dudes!

I love that they picked one of the most difficult Boyz II Men songs ever (I mean, they're probably all pretty difficult but come ON. Even the classically trained opera singer sounded like a goat trapped under a heavy armoire, although he thought he deserved a standing ovation. It was cute to watch these guys completely butcher the song that would play as I stood against the gymnasium wall in middle school wanting a boy to ask me to slow dance. Was anyone else surprised that Marquel and Ron couldn't pull this off? I love how sauced Andi was at this cocktail party. The prank she pulled on Cody the Cupie Doll made me have an anxiety attack. NBD. Then she finally got to the point of comfort
where she's pulling a Juan Pablo and making out with everyone. EEEEsss okay.

Sexy Old JJ

Next one on one date! Who DOESN'T want to cover themselves in liver spots and hang out in public parks trying to fool people into thinking you're an old couple? The Bachelor/ette story editors really went out on a limb on this one. But Andi seemed to love how it showed her what 30 years of marriage with a Pantspranuer would be like. Because, I mean, that's a really good gauge, you guys. Two important things to note: Andi doesn't need to put on a fake voice to sound like an old lady and when you are old you develop a NY accent.

What Andi really wanted to say to the guys who left:

Come back to us, Ron

"Ron, I wasn't done with you yet, you sexy slab of man-meat. I'm comforted to know you could show back up any time throughout the rest of the season. Don't forget, black is my favorite color."

"Bradley, I thought opera was just a little un-sexy. Then you tried to layer opera over R&B and my vagina was like the desert. It was as if you took a blow dryer and just aimed it right down the barrel of my vagina. You could dehydrate fruit in my vagina it's so dry. B-bye."

"Brett, it's not you, it's the mullet."

And now we go to the next episode:

We start off with the guys at the hotel in CT. They have all climbed into an empty over-sized tub and are fake cheers-ing to Andi. Gross. Why do the producers need to emasculate them so?

WTF

I gotta tell you, I didn't take notes during the basketball game. It was all too hot. Loved it.

The losers of the basketball game took it really well. Like adults. They weren't overdramatic or anything. You'd think they were being sent to their death or told they were never allowed to put their penis in any girl ever again.

JJ consoling himself in a cubby hole

At the cocktail party, Andi has a total and complete meltdown. It was hard to watch for the obvious reason that Eric is no longer alive but also just seeing someone's insecurities burst out and them not even realize it. She was full on yelling at him for him sharing how he felt. Granted, he could've phrased it better. It struck a nerve with me though, because it was like having an out of body experience. I've been that girl. I'm sure most girls have at some point. Add on exhaustion and booze and there you have it.

The tribute to Eric was lame. Why not have his sister on instead of Andi? I mean, the last thing we see is Andi kick Eric out on his ass and rip him to shreds. I don't want to then see her tearfully talk about how great he was. A better tribute would have been to have his family or show pictures and explain what he was doing with his life, etc. Lame move on the Bachelor/ette producers part.

What Andi wanted to say to those who left:

"Tasos, I'm sorry no one got to see me give you the boot."

Thanks for reading!